you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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