Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
