I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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