That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
