I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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