She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
