Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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