i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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