Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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