My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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