I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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