loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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