YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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