I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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