went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize