Got a toothbrush?
My hand turned me down
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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