I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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