plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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