first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
