ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you had me at cake vodka
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
