Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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