So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
