i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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