dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize