there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
