somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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