It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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