How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
