you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm always down for nudity.
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