The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
