I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
