Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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