I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
