Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
