the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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