i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
they need to just BURY HIM!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
