I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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