I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
