I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
