if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
