On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
