The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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