I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
