Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
