what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
