Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
