but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
