Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
