Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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