On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
