I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
