i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
