i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
