My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
