SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
