So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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