How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
