im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
