Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
