Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
