I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
