one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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