what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
