On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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