i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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