just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
