I want to stick my p in your. b.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
