Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize