Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
