It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
